doing me, boo.

All right. I’m doing this.

 

After much procrastination and fear, I decided to finally take the first step on this damn blog and post.

 

(*shout out to my friend Brooke for helping me, more on that later…)

 

I mean, this blog has been siting here forever. Just waiting to have content to it. I would come and go, a couple drafts here and there, but never a published post. I have so many ideas I want to write about, so many thoughts. But yet, I let my fear get me and stop me and my one true hobby,

WRITING.

I have been keeping a journal since middle school, and I fell in love. It was the perfect way to express my thoughts and ideas and just feel completely free. I could say what I wanted, think what I wanted, and I would never be judged for it.

It was MY world.

I was safe.

I slowly started to fade out of keeping a consistent journal when I was out of high school and dating the love of my life. I guess because of him, I felt I didn’t need to have a place to hid my thoughts and questions, I had another soul I could ask and converse with. Then life came a little faster than I expected.

(doesn’t it always though?)

We got engaged, I got pregnant, and then we got married. We were kinda thrown into the mix, but oh,  what a wonderful mix it was…and IS. I’m so grateful at how perfect it all came into play. God has a funny way of surprising you. I soon was busy at being wife and mom….

I had no damn clue what the hell I was doing.

(and I still don’t)

Soon, my hobby passion of writing took the back burner so I could be a better person to those around me. I don’t mean that in a bad sense. It’s just how life works out sometimes. We all get busy and put our passions last in order to survive in this world.

That’s a (pardon my french, not really though) fucked up mentality.

But, tis the way of the world. And for too long, I lived my life with that thinking. I would go through ups and downs in my life and I never felt like I was truly living. I felt an emptiness in my soul. It was yearning for more expression.

I am not a very creative personality by any means. I am not artistic. I can’t play music (even though I crave too). I don’t have any real sense of decoration. I’m pretty plain in my artistic ways. But with writing….

ahhhhh!

That’s where I felt the most creative. I could really let my soul express all the ideas and paint the world in my eyes with the words in my head. I could lose myself in the flow of the pen on the paper. The sounds of the keyboard as I type turn into a rhythmic tune. I would be in my element.

But, I would let self-doubt and fear stand in my way before I attempted to share my passion with the world. I would let my fear take over and stop me from doing my passion, for me.

Isn’t that kind of the case of a lot  of the world? We all have these wonderful ideas and yearnings that our soul is begging us to express, not for the world, but for ourselves.  These soul expressions are what God want us to do, so we can fully express our appreciation and gratitude for Life itself. I am a self help book junkie and all these wonderful teachers have shared the same understanding. I have known this for years, but I could never get over my fear of rejection, judgement and disappointment. I played the victim before I even started.

I met up with my good friend, Brooke, for breakfast one day and we got into the conversation of writing. I expressed my desire to want to start just so I felt like I was doing something that I loved. I wanted to add more life to my life. She had expressed that she also wanted to start blogging about her fun adventurous life with her husband as well. We both decided  to hold each other accountable and gave ourselves a deadline to post our first blog post. She kept up on her word and checked in with me throughout the month, and

voilà!

This post was born!

I admire Brooke because she has this attitude of living life the way you want to. Live with a optimistic attitude and if shit happens, oh well. You can get over it. Her fun and free spirit has led her to find an amazing person whom she now gets to share the rest of her life with. She’s incubating a little human version of them inside her and I couldn’t be more excited for them. You can read all her adventures here: theguythegal.blogspot.com

 

I needed a friend to push me. To help me get over my fear. She told me to start, but not for the world. but for me.

Start for me. 

So here it is. The first post.

I am doing this for me. I am not letting fear stop me anymore. Yeah, I might suck. Yeah, people might not give a shit. Yeah, I might get judged . Yeah, I’m gonna offend some people.

But screw that noise.

This is for me. And if you don’t want to read, that is totally fine. If you stay with me,

welcome to my world.

My world where I get to express my thoughts and ideas with you and maybe you think the same way too. Maybe we are more alike than you realized and I get to help YOU express your voice/passion, not for the world,

but for you.

So if you need a lil push in finding your world, step into mine for a bit and I hope I can be a friend to give you a lil push like Miss Brooke did for me.

Love always,

MeL

 

2 thoughts on “doing me, boo.

  1. I love this! Way to be bold and be you! It can be a little daunting to share your thoughts and deepest feelings with the world, but in contrast, opening one’s self up to vulnerability shows greatness in our insecurities and strength in our weakness. Keep writing Mel!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Perri! It’s definitely scary putting myself out there, when I’m already insecure. But it feels so amazing and freeing doing it! I appreciate you reading!

      Like

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